• Status Check: Year End

    Submitted by Maverick on 12/23/09 2:51am
    Add Comment

    Not much happened today, diary. I went and saw that Avatar movie and I didn't really get it. The explosions were cool, but I could have done without all of the talking. On the upside I got one of those super tubs of popcorn, so I won't have to grocery shop for a few...

    ...This is Bernard Magnusson III. The hour is 11:34 PM on the 22nd of December, 2009. I shall begin my quarterly diagnostics of the re-calibrated Palin-Bot 5000 in preparation for the new year. I would have waited until a more convenient time in January, but my Sarah's calculations revealed an unfortunate quirk in our admittedly hasty design. It appears that our programming architecture for the PB5K may suffer a critical error when it registers the year as 2010, given that all of the values we installed relied upon a year ending in 9. Should the machine process the date and find its fourth digit at zero, it has a 70% probability of perceiving the year to be 2000 and thus declaring itself the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. This outcome, according to our projected events calender, is only slightly more destructive than the 20% probability that the error will send the PB5K into full organic neutralization mode.



    Read more >

  • Schwarzenegger Just Terminated My Support

    Submitted by Maverick on 12/16/09 2:42am
    Add Comment

    Ya know, I used to like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Me and Todd's first date was Hercules in New York and it was one of the most romantic nights of my life. A trip to the Taco Shack, a couple of those hot packs the skiers use and the lights of the drive-in theater was all it took to open the padlock around my heart back then. Well, that wonderful memory has been ruined forever now that Arnie's decided to go after yours truly in the media. All this just because he wants to get chummy with Al "The Sky Is Falling" Gore. Damn it, politics is hard!



    Read more >

  • Alaska Family Pride Fund

    Submitted by Maverick on 12/9/09 4:07am
    Add Comment

    Alright, diary. Here's my first draft of the letter I'm gonna publish in a bunch of national newspapers and on Fox News and a few other places, like a website if I've got one. I'm not quite ready to show it to my speech team and maybe I never will. After all, it's not a speech, so they'd probably just screw it up. Anyway, I think I'm gonna call it "Make Christmas Merry Again".



    Read more >

  • Sarah Palin Ain't No Quitter

    Submitted by Maverick on 12/2/09 5:08am
    Add Comment

    Ya know, I am darn tired of people saying I'm a quitter. It is just ignorant and closed-minded for the folks in the media to tell everyone that I can't ever finish anything, that I just give up at the drop of a hat. It is so untrue I can't even begin to describe how untrue it is. It's super-untrue, that's what it is. Sarah Palin is a lot of a things, a real onion of nuance, but one thing she most certainly is not is a quitter.



    Read more >