• Hijacked by Keith Olbermann

    Submitted by Maverick on 6/29/10 10:07pm
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    Is... is this what I think it is? Did I do it? Ha! This is awesome. I totally just hacked into Sarah Palin's diary. I can't believe this. Christmas has come early for the Olber-Man. Look, I don't know how much time I've got here, so I'm gonna have to make this count. Um, oh geez, I'm so nervous. I mean, I'm in front of a national TV camera every single day but this right here is giving me some old-fashioned jitters. It's not every day you get an opportunity like this. Right, just calm down, Keith. You can do this. This is gonna be great.



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  • More Yay Than Scarface

    Submitted by Maverick on 6/22/10 11:26pm
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    Ain't no party like a Tea Party party 'cuz a Tea Party party got more snow than Alaska in winter. We call 'em Red States but they're more like White States and I don't mean in a racist way. Why you gotta say that Sarah? 'Cuz Red States got all the yay. Rolling down K Street in my motorcade, ice on my fingers, ice on my neck, ice hanging off my ears, yeah, more stones than Mick Jagger and Keith Richards hanging out in quarry, that's how I do. Sean Hannity in the back seat rolling J's, a Glock in my pocket 'cuz you never know what might go down in the Capitol. Why you in a hurry, Sarah? Wake up, homes, Sarah's gotta make a delivery. I'm talking the pure sugar, the White Lady, the chick Eric Clapton had to sing about and David Bowie couldn't resist. Don't look so surprised, G. You think I roll the way I do on a guest lecturer's salary? I only write those books so I can move my product in the boxes. Yeah, going rogue on the coke market, slinging more stuff than even Glenn Beck can snort on his best day. I don't front, I don't hate and I don't play the game. Bitch, I own it.



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  • Urgent Communique to Baroness Thatcher

    Submitted by Maverick on 6/15/10 10:52pm
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    My Dearest Maggie,

    Though it has been many years since last we spoke, I feel compelled to warn you now of an impending trial that waits on the horizon for you. In but a short time, an individual who has been, if you'll excuse my parlance, mucking around in the colonies will descend upon our fair England in search of you. I cannot claim to know the full extent of her motives or what she plans to do once she catches up with you, but I can assure you that it will be not at all pleasant for you or anyone in your general vicinity. I fear that if I were to divulge any more details about this individual via the easily intercepted lines of the regular post then my efforts might all be for naught. Should you wish to know more, I suggest we utilize those secure measures once implemented in your time as Prime Minister.

    Yours always in good faith,

    -Bernard Magnusson III



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  • Ya'll Just Jealous

    Submitted by Maverick on 6/8/10 5:59pm
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    Yeah, I've heard the talk. I've heard the liberal media and all the people who are threatened for some reason by my presence in American culture talking smack about my hot bod. Uh-huh, always some angry chick making some fool claim that Sarah Palin got some work done. And why? Well, it don't have nothin' to do with my political career or my amazing success as a best-selling author. Naw, it's just 'cuz there's always some bitch thinks she all fly that come 'round trying to knock me down 'cuz she afraid of the dangerous amount of milkshake I bring to the yard.



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  • Complaints about Joe McGinniss

    Submitted by Maverick on 6/2/10 12:06am
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    Life has been nothing but a series of headaches ever since Joe McGinniss moved next door. Well, not for me obviously. I'm far too busy traveling to speaking engagements and secluding myself in my fabulous Hollywood condo for the purpose of writing my new book to actually spend that much time back in Wasilla. But I assure you, the reports I have received while taking my weekly cucumber puree bath are appalling. And yes, I only allow my aids to give me one update every week about what's happening with my family because, contrary to the uninformed beliefs of some unscrupulous journalists, I am a very busy woman and I can't be constantly interrupted to put my mindspace back in small town Alaska. For Heaven's sake, I've got a country to run... I mean... well, I don't have time to explain... anyway, Joe McGinniss is a jerk.



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