We know when to cut and run!

Track stuck it out a whole 18 months

I'm sure you have heard the news by now - the Lamestream Media sure does love a good story about my family! They eat that stuff up, no foolin'. My son Track and his wife filed for divorce 18 months after they got married. 

Listen here, 18 months can be a long dang time, believe me! Long enough to know what you're in for. Long enough to realize that maybe God's plan for you does not involve the situation that you are currently in. Track did a lot of praying on it, I'm sure, because we are all good God-fearing folk who like to pray on things. And what God told Track was, "Cut your losses."
I mean, heck! I knew it was God's plan for me to step down as governor of Alaska after only seven months in office. Track stuck it out in his marriage a lot longer than that. The marriage lasted twice as long as Britta's pregnancy, anyway. And Track isn't one of those no-good deadbeat dads, you know the type. He has a nine month old girl from this marriage, and he's going to follow through on his commitment to her.
(In case you were wondering, Track was named after a thing that I like: running track and field. Most people might say, that's the kind of naming strategy you employ for a pet or maybe a car. But me, I am an innovator! Dare I say it, a maverick. 
I don't name my kid's names. I name my kids after things that I like. That way, their names always make me happy. I don't give a rip what other people say. My kid's names are all about me and my likes. Get used to it!)
Oh, the babies, the little children. My heart goes out to them. Not to those adults and teenagers shot at that mall in Oregon. Screw those guys. They were grown ups at a mall two weeks before Christmas; they knew what they were in for. But the little children of the world, victims of such horror manifesting itself. Nothing could be worse. NOTHING.
It's evil that does this sort of thing. Not guns. You know the liberals are going to take this evil event done by an evildoer and use it as an excuse to take our guns. Don't let them! Someone could just as easily have run amok with a knife or whatever. If those little kids had been armed, maybe this wouldn't have been such a dang tragedy.

Image courtesy Flickr/orangejack

Disclaimer: This site is a work of satire.