Saturday, October 18th
11:58PM

Dear Diary,

Saturday Night Live show a success! Showed that Fey woman how to do real comedy when interrupted her fake press conference. Ha. So unrealistic. As if I would ever hold press conference. SNL completely losing touch with reality.

On show, liberal elite Baldwin brother mistook me for Tina, but made up for derogatory comments by compliment on attractiveness. As have been telling John for six weeks, attractiveness most important anyway. Really must get John to salon in attempt to reduce “Skeletor” perception in media. Maybe eyeglasses would improve looks? Have heard my glasses have reached out to eyesight-challenged women everywhere, striking blow to glass ceiling. [Mentioned new eyeglass plan to Rick, but was told that ‘glass ceiling’ does not refer to actual eyeglasses. Suspect Rick actually vetoing plan because John insisted on wearing monocle.]

Perhaps will adopt Alaska Rap as new theme song, replacing previously first choice of â??Redneck Womanâ?.

Off to tour pro-America parts of America, far away from biased anti-America media. Have heard liberal media elite are largely of mixed European heritage and is well-known fact that Europe is communist nation like Russia.

Love yah!
Sarah