Sunday, October 19th

9:37PM

Dear Diary,

After seeing popularity of Tina’s fake press conference, campaign manager apparently considering allowing me to host real press conference of my own. Have been given list of possible questions and updated list of word and phrase quotas to be met. Spent day scripting eloquent answers to questions of national importance.

Q: In your opinion, what is your greatest accomplishment to date?

A: Besides being Miss Alaska in 1984? Only kidding—that was just my lame attempt at a joke. But seriously, I think the important question here that we’re all waiting to hear the answer to is, “Who is the real Barack Obama?”

Q: If you had the chance to say one thing off-script, what would it be?

A: You know, I’m a Washington outsider. I don’t know what you liberal media elite types mean by all this “scripting” and “off-scripting.” But I do know all about conscripting to protect this great American nation against terrorism and terrorists like Bill Ayers and other Muslims.

Q: Do you now know what a vice president does?

A: I think the real question here is “Who is Barack Obama?”

Q: Why do you think you would be a good vice president?

A: I’m a maverick. As a Washington outsider, I do maverick things for maverick reasons and all you Joe Six Packs and fellow hockey moms out there should understand that, coming from Wasilla Main Street like I do.

Q: How would you differentiate “pro-American” from “anti-American”?

A: Again, I think the real question here is “Who is Barack Obama?”

Q: Do you have any advice for aspiring young female politicians?

A: Now, listen up, all you girls out there, because here’s my advice for becoming a strong political leader: Buy a house on Wasilla Main Street. Practice abstinence before marriage. Marry Joe Six Pack. Become a hockey mom. Stay a Washington outsider. Make maverick-like decisions. And whatever you do, don’t be a terrorist. Or a Muslim. That’s what I call my recipe for success!

Handed list of answers to campaign manager Rick. Face got all red and blotchy, most likely due to astonishment at my cleverness in skillfully weaving in keywords ‘maverick’ and ‘terrorism.’ When could finally speak coherently, he promised to run ideas by others and would “get back to me.”

Still haven’t heard back. Maybe has forgotten. Will ask John.

Love yah!

Sarah