Tuesday, October 20th
11:23AM
Dear Diary,
Came across article with suggestions for life plans after Nov. 4. While disliked insinuations that McCain-Palin ticket not infallible, decided to evaluate possible options. After all, always important to have back-up plan, like adoption if not possible to keep baby in family.
1. Permanently joining the cast of SNL
Pros: Fame, fortune, have heard my character necessary to keep show funny.
Cons: SNL really going downhill these days, suspect Tiny Fey not actually one of my biggest fans.
Likelihood: 5%
2. Presidential run in 2012
Pros: Have already evaluated possible running mates and potential competition.
Cons: Fear if McCain still alive in 2012, would demand to be running mate as compensation for current campaign.
Likelihood: 50%
3. Senator/Alaska Governor-for-life
Pros: “Governor-for-life” has nice, pro-life ring to it.
Cons: Suspect Alaska not as respected as previously thought as apparently population census neglects moose, wolves, etc.
Likelihood: 65%
4. Time’s Person of the Year
Pros: Fame.
Cons: Possibility of nationwide circulation unflattering photo.
Likelihood: 45%
5. Publishing autobiography
Pros: Would be cathartic, like writing diary.
Cons: Worry that endearing accent would not be conveyed properly through text, don’t want to be seen as following in Barack’s footsteps.
Likelihood: 75%
Pros: Based on current media attention, show will have immediate high rating.
Cons: Probable loss of popularity after election.
Likelihood: 60%
Briefly considered other possibilities—musicals, children’s movie, inspirational lecture series, hosting new series of Miss American Politician pageants—but will address these if need arises. Until then, will continue programming machines so undecided voters can be robo-called with sweet voice rather than John’s scratchy, angry one.
Love yah!
Sarah
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