The Lamestream Media, by which I mean that liberal gossip rag the Huffington Post, was thoughtful enough to include me in one of their year-end lists. They chose the "blood libel" debacle to put on their "Top 10 PR Blunders Of 2011" article. Well I have to admit I'm flattered that they haven't forgotten me. But did it have to be the whole "crosshairs on Gabby Giffords" thing? 

 

I don't know, I wish they would have picked something more interesting. I think we're all over the "don't retreat, reload" rhetoric, right? I mean, that guy, he was just some random nut. And Gabby is up and walking like a champ. No harm, no foul, that's what I always say!

Sure, the "blood libel" thing was a problem. I mean, whatever. I'll be honest with you, I didn't really know what the phrase means. I heard it somewhere, and then my speech writer dropped it in there, and I figured hey, there's blood, and people are holding me liable for this thing. So that must be what it means, right? Pfft, those liberals are way too sensitive. And it WAS a blood libel, anyway! I was being blamed for something I didn't do! And that's what "blood libel" means. More or less.

 

Looking back at that speech, I'm pleased all over again at how my hair and makeup people did a bang-up job. I didn't look nearly as vivacious as I usually do now, as befitting the occasion. Such somber hair, not being pushed up with a Bumpit in the back! Such demure nude lipstick! And that flesh-colored camisole covering up my décolletage - wonderful! It was a look that suited the occasion so well.

 

But the length! Dang! 7 minutes 44 seconds? What was I thinking? Heck, I didn't even listen to the whole thing. You can totally see me starting to tune out around the 4:30 mark. Who's going to listen to that much speechifying? Not me. And probably not any of those pundints, either. Foundational freedoms, 9/11, blah blah blah.

 

(You know, some people claim that the abstract concept of "freedom" shouldn't be pluralized as "freedoms." Evil liberals, mostly, with their mindless finger-pointing and apportioning blame, you know the way that they do.

 

And don't you love how sanctimoniously I decry violence in this speech? It's glorious, given how much I later profess to love guns and huntin' and shootin' stuff up. Ha!