*We have been at sea for five days now en route to Hong Kong. I sustained a minor laceration while negotiating with pirates for supplies. I take the blame for that injury entirely upon myself. I encouraged Alec to plot a course that did not include a stopover in Hawaii lest Mrs. Palin grow infatuated with the uncommon beauty of the islands and miss her appointment at the business conference. Given the disconcerting burning sensation in my shoulder, perhaps it would have been better to spend a week or two on the beaches of Oahu. In the unlikely event that my wounds grow necrotic and I die here, I, Bernard Magnusson III, will take this opportunity to draft my last will and testament here on the S.S. Alberta Yarrow.

It is so exciting to be on the high seas, diary. We have a harpoon gun! I've been looking around for one of those Sea Wolves Alex says he used see out here all the time, but I haven't found one yet. I didn't even know those existed, but Alex said he spent a lot of time on the water back in those days when he worked with all the guns and couldn't set foot in America. It is so admirable to hear about a uniformed serviceman who is so dedicated to the cause of defending freedom. Anyway, I killed a whale and I think we're gonna eat it for dinner.

*First and foremost, to my beloved Cynthia I bequeath my treasured collection of first print Alighieri texts. You may do with them what you wish, my angel, but know that in my heart I hope you let them fall into hands that know how to care for them. The High Museum may not offer the most generous bid, but their preservation chambers are unparalleled. Also, Cynthia, it is very important that you do not let my father dictate the direction of your studies. He has no love or knowledge of botany, so he ought not to have any say in the pursuits of one the science's greatest minds.

The funniest thing happened the other day, diary. A big, black bird dropped a rolled up piece of paper on the deck of the boat and then fell into the water. It was another letter from Bristol. 'Course I didn't know it was until Bernie told me what the weird writing was. He said it was ancient Samaritan or something. I think it's so wonderful that the young people of today are learning how to talk in other languages for the sake of the future of American business in the future. As a former business owner myself I can say just how important it is to connect to everyday customers. Maybe one day Bristol can run her own business with as many Samaritan customers as she can handle.

*To my brother Elliott I leave mother's 1965 Aston Martin DB 5 Cabriolet. I have not as of late had the opportunity to continue with the extensive repairs necessary, but I know a gentleman in Baltimore who is more than capable of picking up where I left off. I intended the car as a surprise gift to you, Elliott, for your years of love and common decency. I hope that my passing does not weigh too heavily on the vehicle for you to enjoy it.

It's hard to see the paper now, diary, because it got really dark outside for no reason. It's not even that late. Alex says there's something big on the radar, so I'm gonna go back to the harpoon gun for a while. This is so much fun, I think we'll take a boat back from China, too.