* We have been on Mrs. Palin's trail for several days now. I have managed to decipher from the little bit of Cantonese in my language training that our employer somehow landed within a mile of her conference appointment last week following her altercation with the unspeakable creature that attacked the boat. Not only did she survive the impact, Mrs. Palin was actually capable of successfully conducting her speech. At this point, the lot of us are seeking out Mrs. Palin each for his own reason. Alec is certain she must have acquired important information about the internal arrangement of the beast that attacked us, while Grant has dedicated himself to writing an epic account of her heroics he intends to title "Going Rogue: An American Life". As for myself, Bernard Magnusson III, I seek only to fulfill my duties and maintain the spotless integrity of my work history. Mrs. Palin's diary entries for this period have been pieced together from fragments of intel I have gathered on this journey through the labyrinthine society of modern China.

Dear diary,

Whoa! What a trip this has been! Ya know, I have come to have a newfound respect and admiringness for the noble people of China and their beautiful country neighboring our own great United States of America, the country I'm sure not afraid to call the greatest darn country in the world, the United States of America. The noble people of China have such interesting customs and nobility and I am so glad to have been their guest these past few days. My speech at the conference went so well and I think I really spoke to these people. The noble people of China really understand that we can't just throw money at problems like those Spend-o-crats in Washington. That's why this is the People's Republic of China and I'm proud to be a Republican who sees a future for a People's Republic of America.

* On Saturday we chartered a boat in Guangzhou and found ourselves in the port of Hong Kong just this morning. During that time we made ourselves useful as deck hands and cooks, or in the case of Alec, ship's medic. I admit I was a bit uneasy boarding a water craft so soon after the... unpleasantness, but my resolve has been locked. I only hope we have arrived in time to find Mrs. Palin in this vast metropolis.

On Sunday I found the most beautiful church in the city. They had candles and bells and the most beautiful singing. I spent the entire day there praying for our nation and for my beautiful children Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, Piper and Tripp... I mean my grandson Tripp. Beautiful. Just beautiful.

* I cannot be certain, but I fear Mrs. Palin may have inadvertently converted to Buddhism in the past few days. While her spiritual path is her own business, I fear this may negatively impact her political image in the States. It may, however, serve as a ratings booster for "Main Street Americans with Sarah Palin"...

...oh, God. I even wrote it this time.