If you were to see my Facebook feed, dear diary, you would have to laugh! It's unflippinbelievable how many posts I have put up this week about energy policy, and also praising Newt Gingrich for being awesome. I WONDER WHY.

 

Ol Newt hasn't said anything since he announced (okay, off-handedly mentioned) that if he gets elected, he would (okay, might) make me his Secretary of Energy. Once I figured out that the Secretary of Energy doesn't take notes at the energy meetings, I was pretty stoked! 

 

I wish they would call me something other than "secretary," though. I have come way too far to be called the "secretary" of anything, regardless of whether that's what it's been called for hundreds of years, and even if it doesn't mean anything clerical or secretary-like. I don't care, I still get rubbed the wrong way by the idea of being called "secretary." Just ask Todd… last time he wanted to play a dress-up game in the bedroom, I made HIM dress up like the French maid! And you're darn right I made him fold all the laundry. It's not like he's any good for anything anyway. 

 

Where was I? Oh right, so anyway, I told my Facebook ghost writer to really kick it into high gear with the stuff about energy policy! I can't be bothered to research and write all that stuff myself, it's so boring. And after the last few Twitter debacles, my team decided it was best if I had a less public-facing role, at least when typing was involved. 

 

(Doesn't it make you wonder what I'm always doing on my Blackberry, peck peck pecking away at the keys all day long? I'll never tell!)

 

Mostly my position on energy policies is shaped by doing the opposite of what those hippie liberal pinkos want. If they want pristine tundra to remain that way, then I say drill! Even better - I chant DRILL BABY DRILL with my fist held up in the air! And if they want solar energy, then forget the fact that solar panel installation builds jobs in the United States, and that it captures dollar bills falling from the sky: I'm still against it! In favor of oil!

 

You might think this would be a weird thing to say, given that I was elected to Governor of Alaska based on pointing fingers at the incumbent governor being in the pockets of Big Oil, and that my initial campaign was all about limiting the power of oil companies. Well all I can say to that is, DIE HIPPIE SCUM.