I do my best to be subtle. I use my sharpest knives. Some of them are so sharp that you don't realize you've been cut, until your head falls off. It's true! I am like a surgeon when it comes to slicing and dicing. I learned it on the fishing boats, back when Todd and I had real jobs like regular people, before we became bazillionaires.

 

But this Romney situation, it is really tryin' my patience. People keep asking me, how do I feel about Romney? And I tell them things like "I don't think he's very conservative," and some folks heed the word. You folks, good folks, true Americans, my Tea Party faithful, you know that when I say that I am "not convinced" of someone's dang Conservatism, what I mean is "This man will rot in hell for his treasons against the One True Way." But the Lamestream Media, they just keep picking at it! They don't get the hint!

 

It should be pretty obvious how I feel about Romney since I keep backing Newt, even though he's a gross old doughy dude who plays it fast and loose in the marriage bed. There are rumors about Todd, I'm sure you have heard them. About me, too. But that won't keep me from passing judgment against someone else, oh no! But I stick with Newt anyway. Partly because he bribed me. But also because, Mitt Romney, yuck!

 

For one thing, he's a Mormon. What's the deal with that? I don't think I have any Mormon followers. I mean, sometimes I make gestures in the direction of Jewish people and Israel. But that's mostly because A) they gots the power and B) it's the Holy Land for us good true Christians, too. 

 

(The War on Christmas, though, that's all about the Jews. The Jews and the atheists. So obviously I'm against it, just on principle. Charismatic Pentecostal church 4 life y'all!!!!)

 

Now you might remember I have been lambasting people left and right for criticizing other Republicans. But it's okay when I do it. Why? Because I said so, that's why. And I'm not CRITICIZING him, anyway. I'm just, you know - QUESTIONING things. 

 

That's a trick I learned from Glenn Beck. You don't have to attack something, you just have to QUESTION it. I QUESTION Mitt Romney's commitment to the Republican party. I question his commitment to denying Americans basic health care. And I question his commitment to bribing me with the promise of a post the way that Newt did HINT HINT HINT.