Dear diary, have you seen the news? Someone asked Newt Gingrich about me, and he said he might want to invite me to be Vice President. I TOLD you that sitting on my Tea Party people, holding tight and keeping my mouth shut, would pay off in the dang end! And it's looking like I was right.

 

Newt said I was "somebody who I think brings a great deal to the possibility of helping in government." I don't really know what that means, it doesn't actually make a whole lot of sense if you read it carefully, but it sounds nice, don't it?

 

Boy is it hard to keep quiet about this though. You know it's not my strong suit! I tell ya, if I can end up in the running again, even if we don't win, I'll be happy. Think of all that exposure! When people see me, they love me. And when they love me, they give me their money And money just happens to be my most favoritest thing of all time!

 

Newt Gingrich is the perfect partner too, because he is so unlikely to win. I mean seriously, nobody likes him. Nobody. Not even ironically. 

 

And that is just perfect because you and I both know that I do not really want to be the Vice President. Too much work. I mean, gosh, I gave up on being governor of our nation's least populated state. Why would I want to be the flippin' vice president of the whole country? I wouldn't, that's why.

 

A girl sure likes to be asked, though, doesn't she?

 

He mentioned something about "Cabinet positions," that sounds interesting. It sounds like an advisory job. I could do that. Like you spend all your time standing in a cabinet, waiting for someone to open the door, peek inside, and ask you what they should do. I would like that.

 

Of course, it would be completely wrong if I actually accepted Newt's request. I spend all my time railing against "crony capitalism," and good old Newt is the croniest of the cronies. And how many times have I complained about the fat cats, the old guard, career politicians, business as usual, the old boy's club? Newt Gingrich pretty much epitomizes everything that I have fought against for the last few years. 

 

But hey, since when did I ever let something like that stop me? Heck, just a few months ago I claimed that I hate violence, but that sure ain't the truth. It sounded real good, though, and that's the important thing.