I made this whole long (five minutes plus!) speech on FOX News the other night, but the only thing the Huffington Post is interested in discussing is my hair. Now granted, I have looked better. It was kind of a harried day, I knew it would be a long night, I took a nap and overslept and woke up without the usual five or six hours I spend with my hair and makeup team. 

 

And you know, just in a broader sense, that hair volumizing insert (a.k.a. wig or Bumpit or bouffant) has seen me through a lot of hard times. It's been with me through thick and thin, day and night, good times and bad. It really helps fill out the hair at the back of my head, which I feel is too flat and "human-like." 

I prefer to have it look like I have the giant swollen cranium of one of those Star Trek aliens. Because that is the fashion, and I think it is flattering. And it makes me look smart, along with my "smart girl" glasses. And while I would never bother to put in any of the work to actually BE smart, I find it useful to LOOK smart. 

 

For some reason, people want to think their political leaders are smart. Ha! We all know that the truth is anything but. But hey, we traffic in appearances. That is just how the dang world works, people!

 

Smart is brunette, which is lucky, because it makes it a lot easier to dye my hair to match. (What, did you really think I had raised five kids and made it to my 47th birthday without a single grey hair? Do you think these burnished copper and mahogany highlights and lowlights are natural? Well, they are. It's all true. Keep thinkin' that!)

 

I want to chide the Huffington Post for talking about my appearance and not my words, because that is the kind of thing that happens to women in the public eye. Everyone discusses your hotness, as if it mattered one flippin' bit to your message. But they have been pretty ruthless about Newt Gingrich lately, so I guess it's not just me. 

 

Anyway, I have to admit that they have a pretty good point. That poor old wig has seen better days. I call her "Betty," by the way. My wig. Betty is looking a little shopworn. 

 

Here's hoping all this increased publicity will funnel more money into my coffers to help plump up my wig budget!