your traveling days are over, funny manHa! There's a new Palin in the travelogue business now! Suck on that, Michael! Whoa, I am just so hyped about my deal with Discovery to do a show about my home state. And no matter what the cynics say, it's not just about the 1.2 million dollars I'll be getting for each episode. I really do love Alaska, which is why I spend so much time away from it. You know what they say, if you love something, get the hell away from it and never stop talking about how awesome it is even when people don't ask you about it. That's also why I don't spend any time with my family. Really, I haven't seen Todd in eight months. They use the computer to make it look like I'm with him for all those photo ops. Anyway, I've got some big plans for what to do with the show. The producers won't know what hit them.

First and foremost, they're gonna have to spend some time at Butch's Steakery. It is my all-time favorite restaurant in the whole world, plus I'm best buds with Johnny, that's Butch's son. One time back in high school, me and Johnny had one unforgettable night in the broken meat freezer. Ah, that glorious summer when Butch didn't know his third chill chest was on the fritz. Sure, half of Wasilla got a fierce case of food poisoning before they figured it out, but no one held it against old Butch. After all, he had the biggest shotgun collection in town. Diary, I never tell anyone, but every once in a while I still get an itch to sit bare-assed on a porterhouse and listen to Rush albums.

After the Butch's Steakery episode, we should head up to the Corpse Creek. It's America's leading body of water for the improper disposal of dead bodies. Sure, it was neck-and-neck with the Hudson for a while there in the 80's, but then Giuliani really cleaned house and the old creek took the title with no problem. To this day, you're liable to find a fresh cadaver at Corpse Creek as many as 30 weeks out of the year. It's one of Alaska's hidden treasures.

Of course, no show called Sarah Palin's Alaska would be complete without a trip to the Fairbanks Wolf Cemetery. I can personally attest to the contribution of two dozen of its permanent residents. Because we in Alaska respect nature, we make sure to bury whole packs in the same section. It's just barbaric to separate families, so we're always sure to lay the pups down with their mamas. A silly land use injunction that came up after my tenure in the Governor's mansion limited the already tight space available to the FWC, so we've taken to stacking the bodies. I'll make sure to call it a Green initiative.

I have a bunch more ideas, but I don't want to blow them all in the first brainstorming session. One thing I learned from the Obama campaign is that you can't open those creative floodgates. It's better to be a steady stream than a giant wave. Now, I just need to practice my diction and maybe get a dentist appointment to make sure my pearlies are as white as possible. Can't have my stupid state's snow making me look ugly.