If you were to see my Facebook feed, dear diary, you would have to laugh! It's unflippinbelievable how many posts I have put up this week about energy policy, and also praising Newt Gingrich for being awesome. I WONDER WHY.

 

Ol Newt hasn't said anything since he announced (okay, off-handedly mentioned) that if he gets elected, he would (okay, might) make me his Secretary of Energy. Once I figured out that the Secretary of Energy doesn't take notes at the energy meetings, I was pretty stoked! 

You know, Ronald Reagan's "eleventh commandment" was that "thou shalt not attack a fellow conservative." And now you can see how flippin' far we have gotten from Reagan's shiny brilliant future, because conservative filmmaker John Ziegler, who has supported me in the past, now thinks I should be SUSPENDED from Fox News.

 

The worst part is that he thinks I oughta be suspended in the interest of fairness! How is it fair that I should not be allowed to take the national stage and speak on issues of the dang day? It's NOT fair, that's how! Obviously nothing would be as unfair as kicking me off Fox News. I would find that extremely unfair. EXTREMELY.

I do my best to be subtle. I use my sharpest knives. Some of them are so sharp that you don't realize you've been cut, until your head falls off. It's true! I am like a surgeon when it comes to slicing and dicing. I learned it on the fishing boats, back when Todd and I had real jobs like regular people, before we became bazillionaires.

 

But this Romney situation, it is really tryin' my patience. People keep asking me, how do I feel about Romney? And I tell them things like "I don't think he's very conservative," and some folks heed the word. You folks, good folks, true Americans, my Tea Party faithful, you know that when I say that I am "not convinced" of someone's dang Conservatism, what I mean is "This man will rot in hell for his treasons against the One True Way." But the Lamestream Media, they just keep picking at it! They don't get the hint!

I don't understand people. Now they are criticizing me for having a cover article just a few weeks after I publicly shamed Newsweek for carrying an article by that horrible man Andrew Sullivan. What part of "Any press is good press" do they not understand?

 

I'm always happy to be given a national soapbox. Especially when it lets me get all sanctimonious and "holier than thou," like the topic of little Trig and his tragic blessing of Down's Syndrome. I love it! It's my second favorite hobby, right behind "killing animals that are just wandering along minding their own business."

Okay, dear diary, I admit it - I still think about dropping into the presidential race! And I know I'm not the only one. I have a lot of fans out there, you better believe it! Including some of those wacky kids at the Huffington Post, of all places! 

 

Now I gotta admit, they are only endorsing my run for president because they think I will say funny things that they can laugh at. Well ha ha ha, the joke's on them, because what if their fake endorsement meant that I became the real president? A girl can dream, can't she?