Escalating the War on Christmas

Escalating the War on Christmas

Have a holly jolly kick in the shins!
I love this time of year. I get to be both sanctimonious and really mean. What's not to like?
 
It's the War on Christmas, and I am taking up jingle bell arms against the enemy. Those Grinches who want to turn our nation away from Christ by taking the Jesus out of the season. You know: the ones who say that school kids shouldn't sing religious songs at school. Separation of church and state, my sweet white patootie!
 
I absolutely believe that Muslim and Jewish and I don't know, Buddhist or whatever, that kids from families of other faiths should be forced to sing Christmas songs. Wanna know why? Because it is Christmas, that's why!
 
Forget this "holiday" nonsense. Sure people say that the phrase "happy holidays" means "all of the holidays at the end of the year including Christmas." But I say, stuff your inclusivity where the sun don't shine! Christmas shouldn't be "included with other religions." It should be "supreme among them, trampling all of them before it, acknowledging no other holidays." 
 
I mean, isn't that the point of celebrating the birth of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? Even if your kid is like Jewish or Hindu or some other crazy religion, they should still celebrate the birth of Christ. Because Christ is that kid's savior, whether or not that kid realizes it right now.
 
So what if I don't really know what a menorah is for. That's not the point. The point is, I plunk one on the dining room table for December as a gesture in the direction of the Jews. It makes me look good. It's pretty, too. With the candles? I wouldn't have any ugly stuff on my table, you better believe it!
 
As for the idea that maybe non-Christians aren't comfortable with the government telling them to celebrate Christmas, I say: DUH. This is a Christian nation, and if you don't like it, you should get out. End of story. Our government isn't doing enough to promote Christianity, and that's part of why our nation is heading in its wrong direction. 
 
Luckily we have the commercialization of Christmas, which helps spread the word far and wide. The word about savings! And jolliness! And also Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It's a win-win!
 
Anyway, don't you dare say "happy holidays" to me, or I will punch you right in the mouth. This may seem extreme, but I am not kidding, people: there's a war on! And it's a war for Jesus. So everybody better get on board, or who knows what will happen.