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Feminists suck lol

I'm not a feminist - I think women should be equal
I would never call myself a feminist. I'm not a feminist! I think that women are equal to men, and that we deserve the same respect, and are able to fill the same duties, like Vice President. That's why I'm not a feminist, see, because feminists think women are better and all men should die and also we should kill all the babies. Feminists are evil! And I am not evil. Therefore I am not a feminist.
 
Everybody knows that feminists love abortion. Love it! So how does that work? You want to promote women, but you kill little fetuses that could grow up into women? What a bunch of two-faced liars! I bet they have a lot of great meetings, in their ugly witch robes and their crone hats, thinking up ways to kill beautiful wonderful babies. Those rotten feminists!
 
Sure, they SAY they want to promote a woman's right to decide what happens to her own body. But we know the truth. They are abortion enthusiasts (Bristol's phrase, but I'm using it). They think all women should have abortions all the time. Because they are evil! Those Feminazis. 
 
(Still love me, Rush Limbaugh? I sure hope so. I need the ratings boost you give me.)
 
A lot of people think I might be a feminist because I had the guts to go out there and run for office and stand up for what I believe in and to insist that women are equal to men. Those people are so wrong! I am pro-life, so obviously I am not a feminist. DUH. You can't be a feminist if you aren't pro-abortion. Everybody knows that!
 
Those disgusting feminists might have been responsible for all the advances women have seen over the last hundred years. If you want to give feminists the credit for my ability to own property and run for government office, that is your business. I guess I can kind of see your point. I would never say so, though, because that is super bad for business. My followers would probably rather I drop the OTHER f-bomb than call myself a "feminist"!
 
Besides, you know how I thrive on causing strife and division and driving people apart. There is no way I would ever say that you can be a feminist and be pro-choice too. People who love abortions hate babies and Jesus and everything America stands for, and I for one think they should all be wiped out.